whenever someone talks about those evil city dwelling New Yorkers and their naughty ways I normally scoff and get pissy, fiercely defending my people.

but…not this time!

according to the NY Post and this hysterically poignant post by New York Magazine, the government is planning to kill over 2,000 geese in a half-assed, manipulative attempt to stop further airline catastrophes like what happened on the Hudson earlier this year. at first, I thought this was an Onion-esque post slamming the birds for trying to take over our society :immediately pictures Jessica Tandy frantically running away from Hitchcock’s The Birds: but then I read this:

Under the program, the PA will train airport supervisors as certified shotgun instructors to increase the capacity to shoot birds when necessary.

The PA said it has already removed nearly 1,250 geese from the vicinity of LaGuardia Airport.

PA Chairman Anthony Coscia said the move is needed to make flying safe.

“Customer safety is our foremost priority, and we’re constantly looking for new ways to do an even better job,” he said.

“The measures we’re announcing today will help reduce the hazards posed by wildlife near our airports and provide a level of comfort to the tens of millions of customers who use our airports each year.”

The roundup is being timed with the molting season, when the geese can’t fly. It is scheduled to begin within a week. – NY Post

They’re literally sitting ducks! I’m sorry, but this is a “program”? Killing birds are supposed to make flying safe? What about properly training our pilots? How about better regulating the skies and airline traffic? What happened to taking responsibility for one’s actions? Whatever happened to “come fly the friendly skies”? As NYM noted, this is classic Bush-era tactics. These poor things won’t be able to fly away for survival. C’mon. This isn’t a tale of Darkwing Duck going ballistic on some poor suffering teenager. These are birds. Can we really blame them for flying into a plane? As if they knew what was going on unlike this dude. I’m not saying that what happened was excusable, but these.are.wild.animals. They’re acting off of instinct and nature; not some crazed Taliban rhetoric with mini-bombs strapped to their wings. Why “remove” (nice choice of words, Bloomberg) when an entire state connected to the city has plenty of room for 2,000 geese. Just sayin’. There are alternatives for removal of renegade birds.

I know geese shit stinks. I know they’re loud and annoying creatures who mess with our picnic food. I know they get undeniable pleasure when they nail one of us on the shoulder or sometimes head when they can no longer hold it in. I know they ran into one of our planes. but this smells far worse than any geese poo.

wait…what’s that I hear? PETA tar and feathering Bloomberg? sounds about fair to me.